I must say that I am ashamed to admit to my behavior that I am about to write about. Lately things at our house have been...for lack of a better word...hazy. Something was not clear. I felt like those crazy days where you just want to go in a room and cry were far outnumbering those pleasant, normal days. Not that a a day is ever completely bliss; I mean those normal days with kids where you have to remind them to share, there's a spill, or some other typical flaw. It just seemed like something wasn't right. I now realize that it was me. I was the something not right.
You know the saying "When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". Well, I am learning just how accurate that really is. I have not been the person that my sweet family deserves. For that I must truly apologize. My patience level is down, my voice level is up, and my priorities are out of wack. I've been trying to justify my horrible behavior with excuses about a dirty house, laundry piles, children arguing with each other, a husband who wasn't helping enough, and no time to get anything done that I need. None of that was even close to what was really going on. The house was dirty because I was expecting an impossible spotless home. The laundry was piling up because..well...that's just what happens when you don't go around naked. The kids are fighting because they are actually needing my attention. My husband in fact has been coming home from his busy day to a crazy home, and doing everything that he possibly could. As for time, there will never be enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be accomplished.
Somehow I realized the truth behind all of the chaos. Things were only going to be better if I changed because I was the one causing it. (DUH!) It's sad to say that I am just now learning how to not let a dirty house stress me out too much. I now realize that my girls need me to get down on the floor and really play with them for more than just five minutes at a time. I now understand the importance of stopping a snap reaction and really listen as to why my kids are whining or crying. I am learning that it's okay if I don't finish everything that I "needed" to get done in a day. I know now all of the many, many, many things that my husband does for me on a daily basis.
I wish I could say that I have completely turned over a new leaf and all days are smooth. Well, I think we all now that will never happen no matter how close to perfection your attitude can be. Life just happens. I just know how to put things into a better perspective. I am so grateful for this lesson that I have and still am learning. I just have to say thank you to my family for their patience with me, even though I had very little for them. Hopefully one day I can be that mom and that wife that they deserve. I can't let a day go by without making sure that my children and husband know that they are the most important thing to me.
Thanks for baring with me while I blabbed on about this life lesson of mine. I am sure that all of you already caught this point long ago. For some reason I just needed to share.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
16 comments:
Tara you are amazing! I think even though I don't have kids yet this is been a hard lesson for me to learn. Let's just say I'm a work in progress. Thanks for your post cause it reminded me that is something that I need to work on. :) Love ya girl!
Oh Tara...you are such a great mom. I know how crazy life can be at times. I was good for me to read your thoughts. It something that I really need to work on.
I hear ya girl! I tend to blame my spouse and kids for my bouts of depression, but every time I analyze the situation, I can't deny that I'm the one that needs to change! How frustrating! :o) So good luck with the new frame of mind and enjoy that cute family of yours!
Wow...this is exactly how I've been feeling the last couple weeks!!! I did a check over the weekend and in the back of my head I knew what it was, but was in denial. My poor husband took off work early one day while Ry and I were gone and when I came home he had cleaned the whole house. I knew my attitude must have been crazy lately for him to do that.
Still learning this one. Over and over. Thanks for sharing though. It helps to know that others go through the same things. You hit it right on the head about the individual being the one to change, not everyone else.
I love you to pieces but truly understand what you are going through. I don't know if it is the winter, Brandon's insane work hours, being lonely or what, but I too am a problem in my home. I guess we have to have these moments to realize it's not so bad, or at the very least it could be worse and we have so much to be thankful for. Thanks for sharing that, it made me feel better!
Tara, you are amazing. I don't know how you have kept up with your house always spotless and dinner on the table. You do need to learn to let somethings go. I keep the upstairs neat and tidy but have given up on the downstairs (the kids bedrooms, if that is how they want to live, so be it). You just have to decide what you can comprimise on. Good luck in the future!
Thanks for your thoughts! Today was crazy for me and I needed your message!
I think that this is a lesson that we all need to learn again and again! I stress myself out with the same things and then at the end of the day when I look back I realize that I have missed time with gabe and Jon! I loved your insight!
Tara, Tara, how hard and how good to look back and realize what you can do different and where you contributed to the problem. I also feel like I have to learn and relearn that lesson constantly! It's hard to be a Mom! Sooo rewarding and amazing, but also so hard. So hard to let go of those perfect expectations and really focus on what matters. Thanks for the reminder. I need it all the time! We really ought to get together and play! Call me if your headed this direction and have some extra time!
I totally understand. I had to give up on the clean house, too. I just try to remember my kids will only be babies for a short time so I'd better enjoy them. Hey, I have tickets to the Draper temple open house if you guys want to go with us.
If you want to feel good about how great of a mom you are and the nice house you keep, just look into my life. You are great!!!! Even on one of your bad days, your house is way clean.
And I think it really sucks that everyone elses mood is determined by our mood. We have the right to be moody and down once in a while! We can't be perfect ALL the time. But thanks for reminding me thats how it works in the real world. We "women", are the route of all happiness....
So nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way! It's so great that it's never to late to start over! xoxo
What a great post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think as wives and mothers this is a common for alot of us!
mum solution to the laundry issue, just leave her naked 24/7 but post LOTS of pics!!
Post a Comment